Philadelphia
I’m getting ready for a trip back to Philly in a few weeks for my mother’s 60th birthday. She didn’t want to have a party, so right now she and I are trying to figure out where to have her birthday dinner with the family. The family has grown with marriages and children and it’s getting harder and harder to feed us all on a modest party budget. But every night before I go to bed I’m praying…please Lord, not the Oregon diner!
When your family lived in South Philly for generations…
This is where the family goes after every baby is born
This is where the family goes for Grandma’s birthday
This is where the family goes when Uncle Dino comes to visit from Florida
This is where the family goes and catches your brother in a corner booth with a girl he’s been forbidden to see
This is where the family goes when it’s too hot outside to cook in the kitchen and everybody is sick and tired of bologna sandwiches
This is where the family goes when you all find out that somebody in the family is getting divorced
This is where the family goes after your first holy communion
This is where the family goes when somebody wins a $100 bucks at bingo at Mt. Carmel
This is where the family goes when you get accepted into college
This is where the family goes when your great uncle Rick finally comes out of the closet
This is where the family goes after your Mom-mom gets her leg amputated
This is where the family goes when the pipes freeze
This is where the family goes every year after your dance recital
This is where the family goes after mom burns the turkey at Thanksgiving
This is where the family goes when they find out that your cousin Jeff got a DUI on the 95 and isn’t being let out of jail until morning
This is where the family goes after you get your first pair of glasses
This is where the family goes after your nephew Billy is filmed kicking a ball in Rittenhouse Square which is shown during the credits at the end of Eyewitness News
This is where the family goes after Grandpa’s hemorrhoid operation
This is where the family goes after every babies christening
This is where the family goes when your Grandma’s dog gets run over by a Septa bus
This is where the family goes after the last game of the season every year
This is where the family goes after you get your braces taken off
This is where the family goes to spy on you and your prom date but swear that it’s just a coincidence
This is where the family goes after they find out that your fifteen year old cousin Betty got knocked up by a boy from Jersey
This is where the family goes after your brother graduates from St. Joes Prep
This is where the family goes after Mom-mom’s other leg gets amputated
This is where the family goes when you find your cat dead in the alley with it’s tail burnt off
This is where the family goes for Aunt Susie’s wedding shower to her fifth husband who come to find out was born a woman
This is where the family goes when somebody on the block commits suicide
This is where the family goes for your thirteenth birthday even though you begged to go to TGI Friday
This is where the family goes after your sister’s fiancee gets drunk at the family picnic and finally admits to the family that he is in the mob
This is where the family goes after your Uncle Al gets laid off from a job he’s had for thirty years
This is where the family goes after every member of the families funeral
Saying that you don’t want to go to the Oregon Diner cause the food sucks doesn’t go over so well with the family. It’s kind of like the time you were hosting Christmas dinner and you asked your cousin Denise not to bring her green bean casserole cause it smelled up the whole house and made you gak. That didn’t go over so well even though everybody in the family secretly agreed. Christmas dinner at your house got cancelled that year. And the Oregon Diner is where the whole family ended up. On separate sides of the room of course.
Feel free to send me any recommendations on half decent restaurants in the Philadelphia area for a family birthday dinner.
